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The Top Ten Ways In Which Nintendo Wish They Were As Cool As Sega [top ten]
This was posted for April 1st 2015.

It's time to tell the truth: I'm a huge Sega fan. I can't hold it in any longer. I'm sick of all this blind Nintendo praise, so it's time to shine the light on the one true best gaming company in Sega.
Posted: 04/01/15, 22:34:02  - Edited by 
 on: 04/03/15, 23:29:55
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Naming Conventions
Entertainment System? Numbers? Cubes?! What kind of names are those? Sega always came up with cool names like Genesis and Dreamcast. Seriously, it casts dreams. What more would you want in a system? Not to mention, they even have neat terms for what their systems do, like blast processing.
No Discrimination
Nintendo have a little hate brick called the Game Boy. Clearly Nintendo hate girls. Not Sega, they're all-inclusive and invite everyone to play their games. Get with the times, Nintendo.
Faster is Better
Nobody makes quick-footed characters like Sega does. Remember all those complaints about the overworlds in 3D Zelda games being empty? Well, if Link could move as fast as Sonic, that wouldn't be a problem at all! Even Nintendo's poor attempt at making a Sonic game in Wario Land Shake It! doesn't come close to the break-neck speed of the Blue Blur. Sorry, Sega wins this one.
Cool Characters
Sega have a huge cast of cool characters. I mean, just look at Sonic and that smirk, so smug. In fact, many Sega characters smirk. And what do Nintendo characters do? Smile like dorks? The best they've got is Kirby's angry eyes, but he's still just a dumb pink puff.
When you turn on a Sega game, you're greeted with an empowering voice that announces the name of Sega. This does many things. First, it ensures that you're about to play a Sega game, knowing that greatness awaits. Second, it pumps you up to experience the awesomity of Sega games. Third... it's just plain cool tech. Few Nintendo games have a voice saying “Nintendo” at the start, and the ones that do are usually someone dainty like Peach or Yoshi.
Began in Black
There's an old saying “back in black,” but Sega are cooler than that. Their systems have always been primarily black. Meanwhile, only recently have Nintendo decided to embrace black, but it's only because they wish they were as cool as Sega.
Nintendo's controllers have A and B buttons, but then for some reason skip ahead to X and Y. They didn't even go to the end of the alphabet and use Y and Z. Sega's controllers go A, B, C, which makes perfect sense and avoids all confusion for players.
It's pretty easy to see that Sonic is the better mascot over Mario. I mean, what's Mario's specialty? Jumping? Well Sonic can do that too. Now let's see Mario run so fast he can do loop-the-loops. Didn't think so. Even beyond abilities, Sonic is out there saving helpless animals at every stage. Who does Mario save? Just one princess? He barely even saves Toads from time to time. Some hero he is, clearly doesn't want to get his hands dirty.
Game collections have been an increasingly popular thing, combining a selection of classic games into one package. No one has done this better than Sega, when they compiled over 50 of their greats onto one disc for the Ultimate Sega Genesis Collection, including classics like Altered Beast and Bonanza Bros. And what paltry collections have Nintendo released? Super Mario All-Stars has a measly 4 games! Even the celebrated Kirby's Dream Collection just has 6. Sega wins again.
No one releases hardware like Sega. Why release new systems when you can just add on the good stuff to your existing system, saving you money and space? Imagine if the N64 was just an expansion for the the SNES, and then later you could have just bought a new disc drive for your SNES 64 instead of having to buy the GameCube. Then you could attach further add-ons to allow for the Wiimote and GamePad, plus another to make you coffee for those late gaming nights. Just make sure you have six outlets free to plug in all those AC adapters.
There you have it. I hope I've opened the eyes of some of you misguided Nintendo fans. It isn't too late for you to see the truth and join the one true gaming experience, Sega.

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Posted: 04/01/15, 22:34:02  - Edited by 
 on: 04/03/15, 23:29:55
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Go back to Massachusetts pinko.
Posted: 04/01/15, 23:42:55
#2 is legit, doe.

Also, Dreamcast rules! Truth.
Posted: 04/02/15, 00:00:07
Well I currently playing Valkyria Chronicles which is a SEGA Strategy game that is just as fun as a Fire Emblem game and I bought it for a tenth of the price of a FE game.
Posted: 04/02/15, 00:44:57
Sega also kills off its franchises and credibility far better than Nintendo. And no company is a joke quite like Sega.
Posted: 04/02/15, 02:14:42
This is a good list.

I like your Nintendo Tower idea. Nothing like a noisy, fridge-sized block of hardware all inter-connected over the course of 20 years!

Mario does loop-de-loops poorly. He gets about a third through then gravity makes him fall from the ceiling of them. It's pretty sad.
Posted: 04/02/15, 02:39:10
Someone finally gets it.
Although the #1 reason should be Shadow the Hedgehog.
Posted: 04/02/15, 03:28:58
#10. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#9. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#8. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#7. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#6. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#5. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#4. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#3. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
#2. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.


#1. Nintendo doesn't have Big the Cat.
Posted: 04/02/15, 03:43:08
Oh wait, yeah. DUH. Big The Cat is going to be my Smash Bros. vote.
Posted: 04/02/15, 03:44:44
I'm still curious if Big The Cat is some sort of translation error. Is his name really "Big"? Almost sounds like he was supposed to be called "The Big Cat."
Posted: 04/02/15, 06:20:54
@TriforceBun I don't think it's an error as it follows the naming conventions of Sonic characters, being that they have names similar to their characteristics. Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna, Tails the Fox, Big the Cat, etc. Big the Cat's name just so happens to be a bit more simple than the other characters.
Posted: 04/03/15, 00:38:37
#1 ought to be 'a racer as good as Sonic Racers: Transformed. Buuuuuuurn.
Posted: 04/03/15, 03:51:12
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