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The Next Sonic Game to Feature Hedgehog on Human Sex?
News reported by 
April 02, 2013, 05:17:28
I have this strange feeling that the Sega well of information is going to run dry very soon, but as long as the bucket is still drawing water, we will keep throwing it down for another pull. And boy did the bucket ever come up full on this one. Although much is still unknown about the next Sonic platforming title, currently called Super Sonic Bros. (which we reported on here), I did get a chance to sit down with my completely anonymous and possibly even real Sega representative and get my paws on a few more details, including one pretty juicy bit. Read on!

Sonic and Princess Elise, a love story for the ages!

Andrew N: What can you tell me about Super Sonic Bros. that wasnít in the press release earlier?

Sega: Well, one thing we are definitely trying to do with this next game is create a much more mature experience than we saw in past Sonic games. Not mature in the sense of gratuitous sex and violence, but something involving adult relationships with all of their complexities.

Andrew N: Why Sonic?

Sega: We had already started to explore this path in past Sonic games, we just never were allowed the freedom to take it as far as we wanted to. Remember the kiss between Sonic and Princess Elise that was praised for its groundbreaking presentation of non-heteronormative relationships?

Andrew N: I remember *a* kiss...

There was certainly a kiss. That much is true.

Sega: Exactly. We plan to take the relationship between Sonic and Princess Elise to a whole new level.

Andrew N: So why were you never allowed to take things further before?

Sega: Essentially, Sonic has always found a strong market on Nintendo platforms. Not as much of a market as it has found on Sony and Microsoft platforms, which is why we often exclude the Nintendo platforms when we make new Sonic games, but enough that we considered it important to keep Nintendo happy with what Sonic represented, and Nintendo was definitely against Sonic having any kind of explicit adult relationship. But we own Nintendo now, so we get to do whatever we want!

Andrew N: So by explicit adult relationship you basically mean that Sonic is going to get it on with Princess Elise?

Sega: Letís not be so crude. Yes, Sonic will have an adult relationship with Princess Elise and it will, naturally, involve some kind of consummation of the relationship, but we are creating something so much deeper than that. Please donít run out and post a news article with a title like ďThe Next Sonic Game to Feature Hedgehog on Human Sex?Ē or something, because that would be a gross distortion of the overall picture.

Andrew N: Ok, I wonít. Will any of the other characters have an ďadult relationshipĒ?

I'm not sure what is going on here. Is this what an adult relationship looks like?

Sega: Well I donít want to spoil too much, but letís just say that Big the Cat might be getting a little tail as well. Tail with a capital t. And an s at the end. If you know what I mean.

Andrew N: Iím sure that I donít.

So what do you think, readers? Is it about time that Sonic finally grows up? Either way this is sure to be one of the most highly anticipated games out there!

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Posted: 04/02/13, 05:17:28  - Edited by 
 on: 04/08/13, 00:53:43    
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Hahaha! You're on fire, Zero. Great work!

Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 05:22:21
I thought I had seen enough and then this popped up


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 05:25:36

What Bigsy and I do in the privacy of our own avatar box is nobody's business but ours.

Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 05:28:57
This article is gold Zero - Great reporting. You even lied to SEGA's face about the title of your article and have something misleading.. IGN would be proud!

Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 05:33:37

edit: Bigs the Cat has invaded my icon!

Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 06:03:13  - Edited by 
 on: 04/02/13, 06:04:13
Zero said:
I'm not sure what is going on here. Is this what an adult relationship looks like?

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh man, that was good.

Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 06:38:07
VofEscaflowne said:
I thought I had seen enough and then this popped up

This picture makes Zero jealous.

Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 11:24:11
I thought this was going to be about Sonic getting with Danica Patrick so her inclusion in the racing game would make a little sense.

Posted by 
 on: 04/03/13, 03:53:37
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