@GameDadGrantI ended up picking it up! I started with Ryu since I wanted the canonical experience, had some fun, didn't get much better, and then tried out Dhalsim (because he reminded me of Luffy). After picking him up, I immediately ascended to Silver rank online. I then learned that he's the least played character due to his bizarre playstyle, and no one knows how to counter him.
It's interesting to think about traditional vs. open-ended design here. I appreciate the fundamentals, but don't want to spend a thousand hours learning them. Engaging with the game via lateral thinking lets me stay competitive by exploiting the orthodoxy's blind spots, but if every character was unique, none of them would be, and there'd be no fun in this (or at least, it'd be a different kind of fun, more sandboxy).