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Editorial by 
April 01, 2013, 08:40:43
Do you remember Super Mario Galaxy?

I do. When Super Mario Galaxy was released, I had just had my wisdom teeth removed. I did nothing but play that beautiful game for three days straight. Through that hard time in my life, Mario was my one companion.

Oh how things have changed since those golden days.

A few months ago, Nintendo released its latest console, the Wii U. Normally, I wouldn’t insult my audience’s intelligence by explaining such a basic fact about our gaming landscape to them. However, I wouldn’t blame any of my beloved readers if they weren’t even aware that the Wii U existed. I sure wasn’t. In fact, up until last week, I didn’t even know it was a new console. How was anyone supposed to know that it was a brand new thing!? There isn't even a number on the end of it!

At least 99% of the gaming enthusiasts I’ve talked to about the Wii U were under the impression that it was an add-on for the Wii, quite possibly the most worthless piece of hardware ever put out by a video game company. I can probably name four decent Wii games. How Nintendo expects anyone to care about a new console is completely beyond me when they didn’t even put out a single must-play title for their old one.

After a couple hours of detective work, I finally managed to unravel the mystery of the Wii U. It found out that it is, indeed, a new console. Though I use the term “new” very loosely. Have you seen the PS4? That sexy beast is so new that it’s not even out yet. THAT is the real next-gen, ladies and gents. A social network that is fully integrated into every game, a revolutionary new controller with a touch pad on the front, digital downloads for every single new game… come this Christmas, the Wii U is as sure as dead.

This raises the big question: what incentive does anyone have to buy a Wii U? There are literally zero games currently out for it, and all of its future releases are typical Nintendo rehashes. Pikmin 3? Wind Waker HD? Why would I buy the exact same game that I already own when the only difference is that it looks a little bit better? Until Nintendo can create a game on the level of Killzone: Shadow Fall, I'm just not interested.

All I want is a game for me.

The Wii U is, inarguably, the most worthless piece of hardware ever put out by a video game company, and it just isn’t going to sell. For the first time ever, it looks like they're not gonna make it out of this one. Anyone with a brain can see it: Nintendo’s long undisputed reign has come to an end. You have my game journalist’s honor; if they haven’t gone third party sometime within the next 365 days, I will never write anything ever again.

This article is aimed directly at Nintendo, and all the fanboys “enjoying” the Wii U. Is this what we have become? Are we willing to settle for this? A console that I can’t even transfer my previous console’s downloadable games over to… conveniently?

I remember when the Seal meant something.

Anyway, it's safe to say that I won't be buying a Wii U anytime within the foreseeable future- at least not until Smash Bros. comes out. Is everyone else as psyched for that E3 announcement as I am!? FINGERS CROSSED FOR GENO!!!!


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Posted: 04/01/13, 08:40:43  - Edited by 
 on: 04/03/13, 07:01:40    
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Smash Brothers won't be coming out this generation though, because of the Sega buyout. I'll have news on that tomorrow...

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 08:44:54
But I really wanted to play as Tails smashing Knuckles in the face. No Sega All-Stars?

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 16:52:30
@VickiL You may be in for a treat then. I can't say anything yet but details coming soon!

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 17:12:49
Kotaku will quote this and cite it as a valid source.

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 17:14:51
Probably true.

I also liked how the writer went on about Super Mario Galaxy's greatness and then a couple paragraphs later said there were no must-play games on the Wii. Great stuff!

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 17:54:54
This reminds me, I need to visit the dentist soon. I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled as well.

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 18:22:01
It sucks because the new Sonic games aren't coming out for it.

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 19:26:48

Agreed =P

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 19:32:09
Hahaha, the seal is an awesome touch.

Posted by 
 on: 04/01/13, 20:04:17

Posted by 
 on: 04/02/13, 01:11:49
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