Single white male looking for companionship. I am capable of cooking a mean scrambled egg and making farting noises on seven different locations on my body.

My favorite film is The Animal starring Rob Schneider in a role that should have landed him the Oscar. I have seen the film 376 times and am still discovering all the subtle nuances of his performance.

I hope to one day graduate from the community college I have been attending for the past seven years. My ideal job would have to be video game expert. Like if someone wanted to know something about a video game, they could ask me and I would in turn answer the question for a sum of money equal to the time and effort I exert.

Imagine, if you will, hair like Jason Alexander, teeth like Steve Buscemi, a face like Ron Perlman, and a voice like Tom Waits. I am not a pretty man, but I make up for it in my collection of rare Icelandic pornographic films. It's a formidable collection, I must say.

Anyway, that's the most important stuff, I believe.