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When I was in junior high, we were required to take P.E.. I supported this, at least in theory. I understood that kids should be encouraged to take care of their bodies and stay in shape.

Reality was a little different, though. In practice, P.E. classes could have been renamed "Hang Time For Football Coaches Who Have To Justify Their Salaries To The Community". I moved through 6 different Texas schools and P.E. was the only constant. In every school, the football coach would round up all of us worthless slackers who didn't have the strength of character to devote our lives to a sport, throw us in a gym and then ignore us for an hour and a half.

Yeah, P.E. was a combination of Blitz, Lord of the Flies and a prison riot.

You always got the dregs of the dregs in P.E. - the kids who were sliding by until they were old enough to drop out. The ones who'd failed 3 years in a row and had the bodies of grown men. The emotionally imbalanced guys who thought P.E. was secret code for "head butt everyone you see." No joke, these guys were probably the most dangerous people I've ever had to associate with in my life. If a third of them haven't spent at least one night in prison at this point, I'd be surprised.

One of the favorite sports we'd be forced to play in P.E. was basketball. That's cool. I like basketball. But without appropriate supervision, and with this gang of future-punchers-of-old-ladies, basketball always degraded into something they called "Ghettoball".

What's Ghettoball? Well, it's just like basketball only you can beat the hell out of anyone on the court. They might as well have just called it "The Thunderdome".

And that's how I get to Arch Rivals. Playing Arch Rivals, an Acclaim developed port of the well-remembered Midway arcade game, is a bit like playing Ghettoball in my old P.E. class. It's basketball, but you can punch the other players.

It also feels like being punched in the face. Have fun.

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