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Spider-Man X-EMN III (Nintendo Game Boy) Review
Review by 
0.37/10 from 3 user ratings
That day will be a day of wrath—
a day of distress and anguish,
a day of trouble and ruin,
a day of darkness and gloom,
a day of clouds and blackness—

Zephaniah 1:15

Some free advice: Call your stock broker and invest in Sackcloth and Ashes. I believe that day of distress and anguish is here. Negative World, I give you... Spiderman X-EMN III for your Game Boy Entertainment System.

Would you look at that unholy piece of everlovin' crap!

I must admit that I, too, have a soft spot for the quirky period of Spider-Man comics where he was half Heroin-addicted Venom and... uh... half repainted Beast Man action figure. And he was all the time throwing his Spidey-Shield-With-Two-Blades-Sticking-Out, during that period, too. Who amongst us doesn't wistfully recall the halcyon, innocent days of puffy clouds, giggly girls and comics starring Bifurcated Dual-Blade Spider-Beast-Man-Venom. He put the Hero in Heroin-Addiction, yo.

A game that looks this... apocalyptic... should probably never be played. I mean, plopping this thing in your Game Boy's gotta be like cracking open the Ark of the Covenant. Why mess with powers your puny mortal body can't possibly withstand?

I mean look at it.

Even Spidey's body doesn't seem to be able to withstand it. And he's got the proportional strength of a spider. Or so I'm told.

You know what's almost as funny as the artwork? The amateurish way the board is glued into the cartridge. While this thing might have some creepy relation to the Seventh Seal of the Apocalypse, I'm just about certain it hasn't yet made the acquaintance of the Nintendo Seal of Approval.

So you pop this puke chunk into your Game Boy and what do you get? Go on, guess. What's on this cartridge? A random ROM from the Game Boy's illustrious library? A homemade, unlicensed Spider-Man game cobbled together by code-punching revolutionary communists somewhere in Mexico? The Portable Power secret keys that unlock the seventh seal and, thus, bring about the spinach-colored apocalypse?

Nah, your guesses were probably all a thousand times more interesting than the answer. The cart has this hooey on it.

LJN's craptastrophe of a Game Boy Spider-Man game. Developed by the most accurately named organization in game history.

What does it look like? What does it play like? Well... have one more screenshot for your troubles:

Barf. Complete and utter barf.

Not much to say about it beyond that. There's no reason on Earth why anyone living in the second decade of the 21st century should be playing LJN software for the original Game Boy. So I'm not gonna. Still, I'm sure I'm just about the only guy on Negative World who will ever have a copy of Spider-Man X-EMN III. So the trolling opportunity is just too great. Who can stop me?

To make the presence of this game known, and to cause some kind of pointless, site-wide incident only for the sake of controversy and unnecessary hurt feelings, I'm going to say, "Move over Ocarina of Time."

I'm giving Spider-Man X-EMN III a...

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Posted: 09/19/12, 22:54:09  - Edited by 
 on: 02/18/13, 07:05:59    
Why not sign up for a (free) account and create your own content?
I... a 10/10 huh.

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:01:48
Well that was certainly a review.

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:01:51
LOL. Sounds like a great game. Or not.

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:06:23

Spider-Man X-EMN III is Greatest Game of All Time. Confirmed.

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:10:44
kriswright said:

To make the presence of this game known, and to cause some kind of pointless, site-wide incident only for the sake of causing controversy and unnecessary hurt feelings, I'm going to say move over Ocarina of Time. I'm giving Spider-Man X-EMN III a...
kriswright said:
Spider-Man X-EMN III is Greatest Game of All Time. Confirmed.

You're just going to get more wrath.....

EDIT: At least balance has now been restored to the universe. Don't do that again .

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:10:51  - Edited by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:14:16
@kriswright My brother will downvote it, I'm sure.

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:17:37

Hahaha... spoil sport!

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:21:58

I know, I know

See Zero? This is what happens when we let Sega jerks on here!

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:27:05

LJN Does What Nintendon't

EDIT: Actually, that's true, now that I think about it. But probably not in a way they could be proud about.

Posted by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:29:37  - Edited by 
 on: 09/19/12, 23:46:09
I'll give it a .1 for the wacky boxart.

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:20:36  - Edited by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:22:19
That is the best and worst design of Spiderman I've ever seen.

Also, X-EMN supposed to be X-Men but they fucked up the spelling, didn't they. What.

One more thing, why is Super Metroid beating out the Prime games on this site. Someone has to fix this.

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:41:19  - Edited by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:50:45
You have to really not care about your game to both print off an incorrect label and then once it's already been printed use it anyway despite clearly being wrong.

The level of 'I don't give a shit' from top to bottom has to be huge. The artist who designed the label, the printers who verified and printed it, and the overall person supervising this all had to be involved.

Truly amazing.

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:52:26

No one "verified" this or supervised anything, it's clearly a bootleg.

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:56:58
It looks like they're actually tied, but it lists the higher number of ratings first.

I agree. It's actually pretty amazing.

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:57:01

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 00:59:32
@DeputyVanHalen Thanks, all is right with the world again.

@Zero LOL!

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 01:01:58

Or it could be deliberate subterfuge on the part of the artist. Maybe his bosses didn't speak English or know much about the game they were bootlegging and the artist gave them some "proper" artwork to sell their game with.

Yeah, I'm overthinking it. Someone's just an idiot.

Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 01:04:29

Come on Gui, who would bootleg an LJN game.


Posted by 
 on: 09/20/12, 01:04:42
Haha, "Unexpected Development."

Posted by 
 on: 09/21/12, 01:20:14
GelatinousEncore said:
One more thing, why is Super Metroid beating out the Prime games on this site. Someone has to fix this.

Because Super Metroid is the greatest game of all time.

(Except for maybe SPIDER-MAN X-EMN III.)

Posted by 
 on: 09/21/12, 05:10:22
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