A Nintendo community
for the fans, by the fans!
 Go to forum index
Reggie announces all Nintendo published titles will finally be coming to NA!
News reported by 
Contributor
April 01, 2010, 20:12:33
 
In an announcement sure to shock the world ten times over, Nintendo of America's President and Chief Operating Officer Reggie Fils-Aime has announced that every single previously released Nintendo published title that has never made it to the North American territories will now, finally, be making their way over. When asked by this reporter to clarify, he responded with "Yes damnit, I mean it, every single one! Even little heard of Virtua Boy titles like Space Squash and Insmouse no Yakata. They're all coming. And soon." He proceeded to go on with a list of upcoming releases, which included much clamored for titles like Soma Bringer, Fatal Frame IV, Captain Rainbow, Disaster Day of Crisis, and the upcoming Xenoblade, among many, many others.

He then added, "Wait, except none of those Mother titles are coming. Their fans are annoying and they don't take baths." At which point he proceeded to punch my mom in the gut which made her pregnant with the second coming of Christ, somehow.


This man is god to all.


"Actually, you guys may not realize this, but I was the one pushing for Nintendo to buy out Monolith Soft," Reggie continued. "I felt that the North American territories were seriously lacking in some big, epic RPGs so I went to Iwata-san and said look, you either buy out Monolith Soft and get them pumping out games for us North American gamers, or I might have to get angry. And you don't want to see me angry." It is reported that Iwata, fearing that Reggie's wrath could bring about a nuclear holocaust which could cause large monsters to go rampaging through Japan destroying everything in their wake somehow, relented.

When asked by the reporter next to me about Disaster Day of Crisis, a title Reggie famously dissed in the past, he stated "Who said I said that? I'll tear his head off and feed it to jackals. Seriously though, now that I have put a bit more time into the game, I am convinced it is brilliant. The writing especially is Oscar calibre." Rumors suggest that he then proceeded to rip the head off the reporter next to me and feed it to jackals which mysteriously appeared on command somehow, but Reggie made it very clear that if I said I saw anything I would be next so I can honestly say that I didn't see anything. Ever.

"Oh yeah, and all of these games will be online as well. Without friend codes," Reggie stated. "Friend codes can suck a nut." Reggie then suggested that he may decide to turn back time and make it so friend codes never existed, if he can find the minute or two it would take for him to invent time travel. "Being president of the North American branch of such a large corporation pretty much eats up most of my free time," he said. "Plus I also need to find the time to have sex with all of your mothers."

Reggie ended the press conference by stating that all of these games would be released in the very near future, for a low, low price. He then hopped on a stallion which appeared somehow and bucked up on its hind legs, holding that pose while a beam of light appeared and hit Reggie just right, before he rode off into the sunset.


Champion of the casual gamer no more...


In unrelated news, it is reported that Nintendo of America's Executive Vice President of Sales & Marketing Cammie Dunaway has become a self-proclaimed "hardcore" gamer after getting her hands on a leaked copy of Nintendo's own upcoming Treasure-developed Sin & Punishment: Star Successor. "My God, why didn't anyone tell me games like this existed?!" she is reported as saying. "This beats the fuck out of all of those puppy dog simulators!" She then went into a self-inflicted exile, the her last known words being "The cleansing light, it burns so bright... oh God, save us all from the sins of the casual gamers..."

URL to share this content (right click and copy link)
Posted: 04/01/10, 20:12:33  - Edited by 
 on: 04/01/10, 20:41:15    
 
Why not sign up for a (free) account and create your own content?
 
I choose to believe all this.


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/10, 20:14:56
I could care less about the NA Nintendo situation but I don't even need to read this to know how cruel this is.


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/10, 20:15:45
LMAO, great article.


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/10, 20:40:40
*sigh*

If only....


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/10, 21:25:42
They were crummy games anyway! They should bring over Waluigi's game instead: SUPER WALUIGI WALUIGIS: THE WALUIGI-ING

WAAA!!!


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/10, 22:45:36
IF ONLY THIS WERE REAL........................... OH WAIT IT IS




WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/10, 23:03:26
I see no harm in trusting me.


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/10, 23:17:49  - Edited by 
 on: 04/01/10, 23:18:12
Waluigi said:
I choose to believe all this.


Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 00:20:35
If only all April Fool's Day jokes were this funny.



Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 01:01:12
I lol'd at Oscar-caliber writing.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 01:27:53
This just in! Cammie was found laying on the floor nude while playing Sin & Punishment w/ the wii-mote inserted in her vagina and she was getting off and squirted Reggie in the eye when she orgasmed from defeating the 3rd level boss!


Videos soon to follow and will be youtubed as well.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 02:35:35
@Waluigi

Sounds like something I would write.

AND APPARENTLY I DID.

WAHAHAHAHA. WA.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 02:40:27
Waluigi said:
This just in! Cammie was found laying on the floor nude while playing Sin & Punishment w/ the wii-mote inserted in her vagina and she was getting off and squirted Reggie in the eye when she orgasmed from defeating the 3rd level boss!


Videos soon to follow and will be youtubed as well.
Woah. Too far.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 03:04:20  - Edited by 
 on: 04/02/10, 04:26:28
@Waluigi



WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 04:22:20
@Waluigi Or was it not too far enough?


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/10, 05:20:15
Browse    1