With the first glimpse of Smash Brothers 4 likely a few days away, lots of most-wanted character lists have been popping up as of recent, including a top ten from our fearless leader Zero. Instead of adding yet another one, I've decided to do something a little different: list the characters I specifically don't want to see in the game. Nintendo's history is rich with characters, but it also has its share of real stinkers who have no business appearing in Smash Brothers and using up a precious roster spot.
Somehow, Metal Mario has sort of become his own character instead of just a transformation of Mario. He appeared recently in Mario Kart VII as a racer, where instead the Metal Box should have been a powerup! He also showed up way back when as the best golfer in Mario Golf for the Nintendo 64; how becoming metal helps Mario's golf swing, I'll never know.
Metal Mario would make a terrible character because he would basically be an “always-on” Metal Box item for Mario. Not only that, but there is already an option to play a match where every character is metal. He might also make a cheap character for the one-player modes, as his heavy weight would give him a severe advantage. Metal Mario is a terrible character in any game, but especially so here.
As the poster powerup for the Super Mario Galaxy games, the Bee Mario suit may be the most popular one to come from the Wii series. Bee Mario uses his limited flight ability to buzz around, and his lightweight bug form allows him to safely step on flowers and some other surfaces. This comes at the cost of weakening his spin move, however.
Though Bee Mario was a fun suit in the Galaxy games, he would not make a fun character in the Smash games. To begin with, given the bee's weaker strength, it's clear he couldn't pull off most of the moves of regular Mario, such as the Mario Tornado, and of course wouldn't have the trademark fireball attack. I guess they could give him some sort of stinger move, but, that sounds like the kind of thing nightmares are made of. Fun suits don't make fun characters, and Bee Mario shouldn't bee in Smash 4.
Okay, I promise, this is the last form of Mario on this list. The Cloud Suit is generally regarded as the best new powerup introduced in Super Mario Galaxy 2, with its ability to create a platform three times, and float slowly to the ground from a jump. Strategic use of the cloud platforms was necessary to cross large gaps or find certain secrets.
Once again though, a powerup does not make a character! Though it might be interesting if this suit could somehow appear as a item, Cloud Mario would be a character limited to jumping around creating platforms for himself everywhere. This might make him an engaging aerial character, but it wouldn't leave much else for other special moves, which would no doubt be weak, given his cloud form.
As the mascot for the Famicom Disk System, Diskun is instantly recognisable by any longtime Japanese Nintendo fan, whereas anyone else would be scratching their heads wondering who in the world he is.
The problem with Diskun is that he has never appeared in a game, therefore he's not really a “videogame character” at all. This also means he has nothing from which to pull a moveset, not to mention that he doesn't appear to have moveable arms and legs and probably can't even walk. Maybe he could be a stand-in for the Sandbag in the Home-Run Contest.
Link's trusty steed has seen many an adventure, traveling the lands with the valiant hero. Epona is a horse rescued from a ranch overtaken by a cruel businessman, trained to come when called and as speedy as the wind.
Though she may be one of the more iconic Zelda characters, there's just not much she can do. All of her specials would probably be some variant of running around trampling foes, as this is all she can do to attack in the games. Jumping fences isn't an ability that could work here, maybe as some sort of goofy recovery move, but it probably wouldn't work out. Not only that, but Nintendo would likely receive some protests from animal rights activists about cruelty towards horses.
A large purple fish in the New Super Mario Brothers series who tries to eat Mario and company, Cheep-Chomp is the latest in a long line of hungry fish to appear in Mario games. Often cited as one of the more annoying enemies in the series, Cheep-Chomp would be an inclusion celebrated by no one.
Bowser needs a minion in Smash Brothers, and let's face it, Goomba is weak and limited. One of the more unique enemies would be a more likely choice, but let's hope it isn't Cheep-Chomp. Though it would likely have one move, or a variation of the same move, it would be lunging forward and chomping down on the opponent, resulting in an instant KO. This would clearly make it the cheapest character to ever grace the series, meaning it is a truly awful inclusion.
Wii Balance Board
The first thing to greet a player when booting up Wii Fit is the strange Balance Board character, who will be the guide through Wii Fit.
Despite how popular Wii Fit has been, its character is probably not one anyone wants to see outside of the game. Or possibly even inside the game. Without any discernible limbs, the board would just kind of float there, so it would likely be an extremely lightweight character. Its attacks would probably center around forcing opponents to perform yoga and exercise moves, wearing them down and making them all sweaty. One of its specials could even be weighing foes and calling them fat, lowering their morale. Simply put, it's a horrible, horrible idea for a character.
One would think the I-Block would be the most popular Tetris piece, as not only can it help get players out of a rising stack, it is the only one which is capable of scoring the game's namesake. But as an infamous GameFAQs poll proved, the L-Block is, in fact, the most popular Tetris piece.
The L-Block spends most of its time imitating a letter of the alphabet, but it might have some hidden moves it could use to fight. One of its specials would probably be a spin move that could knock opponents silly, and another one of its specials would probably be this same move, but done counter-clockwise. It could also, of course, fall on and crush foes. Other than that though, there isn't much this sorry excuse for a character can do. Not only that, but if L-Block were in the game, then its rival, the Reverse L-Block, would need to be there also. That's why L-Block is an abysmal character.
Though not really a character, a Mii is a little user-created caricature intended to represent the player inside the game. Miis were introduced and popularised by Wii Sports, and have appeared in numerous games since.
Mii might seem like a no-brainer for the Smash series, but even if I didn't loathe them, it's still a poor choice for a character. The problem is, as a Mii is supposed to represent the player, there's no real way to create a moveset for it. Since each person is different, a static moveset would go against the entire point of a Mii, and instead of being an avatar for the player, the Mii would become nothing but a generic character with generic moves, completely missing the point. A Mii also doesn't have its own world, so it wouldn't fit in with the whole “Nintendo worlds collide” deal.
You might be thinking “Hey! You said no more Mario!” Maybe I lied. Or maybe Jumpman doesn't count since he came before Mario, and therefore his name is Jumpman and he isn't a form of Mario. Or maybe that makes no sense and I'm crazy, but we'll not open that door right now.
Jumpman appeared in the original Donkey Kong arcade game as the hero who climbed a construction site to rescue his girlfriend from an unruly ape. Unlike Mario, Jumpman has a more realistic jump height, and he also can't stomp on objects or enemies to defeat them. In fact, he's such a weakling that if he jumps on a barrel, or even falls from a relatively low height, it kills him. This is why he'd be a terrible character for Smash 4. Not only that, but his moveset would be limited. Outside of grabbing a hammer and swinging it like a madman (which is also an item in the game), he can't really do anything. Despite his history and importance to Nintendo, Jumpman would be an awful choice.
There isn't much left to say. I could probably think of dozens, maybe hundreds of other characters who shouldn't make the cut, such as the Duck from Duck Hunt, but it's best to leave it at just ten. It was a bit tough to narrow things down, but I feel I've done a decent job selecting the worst of the worst. Though picking out the worst of things may not be a very useful skill...
Spoiler: This list is intended more as a "joke" of sorts. In the off chance that a character you actually want is on here, please don't take it seriously!
@Shadowlink Movesets that could have gone to established characters. Even if I liked Miis, I wouldn't want them in this game because a Mii is supposed to represent the player (or another person they model one after), but there's no way to allow the movesets to be personally tailored to that player. Miis work in things like Wii Sports because they can decently simulate how someone would play sports within their own style, but fighting is way more complex and it'd be too much work to allow a completely custom, personalised moveset. That's why I think Miis should remain in their own games and not infect other franchises.
And even if they feel they must include Miis, modeling their moves after other Mii games would have been a better idea.