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Top 10 Things About Modern Gaming I Don't Understand [top ten]
 
Hey kids. Grandpa Zero here to complain to the wind about all of this newfangled nonsense in gaming.


Some of this new stuff probably makes sense to you youngins but I don't really understand it so it must be bad and wrong.
Posted: 10/26/15, 18:42:58  - Edited by 
 on: 10/26/15, 22:18:17
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YouTube Celebrities
So I guess the hip new thing is to scream into a camera about video games and get like 8 trillion viewers who then stalk you like youíre one of The Beatles? I was at a con recently where a bunch of hard-working indie developers were showing off the games they made to small trickle of people who half-heartedly checked them out while a neverending line of exuberant fans waited for hours on end to go meet someone who is famous for playing video games that other people make.

Thatís cool I guess.
 
Let's Plays
Speaking of, now itís fun to watch other people play through entire video games? IsÖ is it because you kids donít have any fun new games to actually play like the two undisputable best games ever made Super Metroid and The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past? What is next, watching people watch people play video games? That probably already exists doesnít it? Of course it does.


No you don't get to play you get to do something even more fun... watch me play!
 
Free-To-Play Gaming
Dang, you can get straight up free games now?! AWESOME. Wait, why are there ads everywhere? Well, thatís fine, I can just ignore those. Wait, why do I have to watch a video in between every play? Whatever, I can ignore that too. Wait, this part seems suspiciously long and boring and now theyíre telling me I can pay to get items to skip it? Uh, you purposely designed bad parts of your game to get consumers to pay to skip them. This is cool how?
 
Retailer-Exclusive DLC
Back in my days if you wanted a game you bought it and then you had it. Or more likely you scrounged together money from your paper route to go rent it for a weekend and then stayed up until 5 am hyped up on sugar to beat it. Point is you could play the whole game because you had the whole game. Actually probably you couldnít because most of the games made back then were impossible to finish in a single weekend. Whatever.

Now you have to buy like 87 different copies of each game from 87 different retailers to get all of the content.


Pre-order now at Gamestop and receive half the game... for free!
 
Games With Offline Modes You Need To Be Online To Play
This one is so obviously stupid that even you kids probably know why it is stupid so Iím not going to explain why it is stupid.
 
Procedurally-Generated Everything
Way back in my days we used to have these people called game designers who designed stages for games and things like that. I think? Is that what Nintendo Power told us? Anyway, now the games design themselves or something? I mean, I guess that is cool. Do any designers still make their own stages? Is that allowed?
 
Professional Gaming Leagues
So people get paid to play games professionally and fill stadiums and such because people just love watching games that much? Yeah yeah I know, like half of my entries are just me being surprised how much people like sitting around watching other people play games. I remember sitting around watching my cousin play Super Mario Bros. like 30 years ago because back then 2 player games often meant taking turns. It was boring. There is nothing cool about watching other people play video games.

Wait Grandpa Zero (youíre all whining in your little kid voices), how is this really any different than watching professional sports?

Good point. That's dumb too.


This was supposed to be a joke. Or a "funny" as we called them in my days.
 
One-Note Games
Here is an idea for a game. You take turtle and walk down the road avoiding I dunno, potholes or something, and thenÖ there is no then, that is the entire game. Give me ten trillion dollars please iPhone gamers.
 
Spending Hundreds Of Dollars On Gaming Toys To Collect Them All Including The Dumb Ones
Alright I know I am going to get a lot of heat for posting this on a Nintendo site but like, do we really need to collect every single one of the hundreds of toys being released just because? And pay super huge prices to get the rare ones? And camp out at stores for hours and junk to get a single toy as if these are tickets to The Beatles?

I donít know why I keep mentioning The Beatles I donít even like The Beatles.

And some of these characters are dumb. Does anyone even like Bowser Jr.? WHY ARE YOU BUYING HIS TOYS? BOWSER JR. IS REALLY DUMB GUYS. STOP. YOUíRE ALLOWED TO BUY ONLY THE COOL ONES IF YOU WANT. YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?


Think about the fact that you spent actual money on this and despair.
 
Video Game Writers Who Complain All The Time
Yep.
 
Shut up. Get off my lawn!

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Posted: 10/26/15, 18:42:58  - Edited by 
 on: 10/26/15, 22:18:17
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J.K. Riki said:
Level grinding RPGs, for example, and wearing a badge of pride over getting a Magikarp to level 100.


Oh man. I remember Pokemon Blue when I discovered the item multiplication glitch. Rare Candy! Everywhere! What to do with this awesome power?

Clearly the answer was to obtain one of every single pokemon (not just 'caught' to fill out the Pokedex, but to literally have one of each- One Bulbasaur, one Ivysaur, one Venusaur etc.) Then level them ALL up to level 100. Then box them. In Pokedex order. Because I could.

And then some jackass stole my game cartridge. What a pointless waste of time.
Posted: 10/26/15, 21:41:11  - Edited by 
 on: 10/26/15, 21:42:23
I wanted to post the Old Man Yells At Cloud screenshot, but you pre-empted me. A deft maneuver for a man your age, Zero, bravo.

Things that I like
Pro Gaming Leagues (and speedruns and the like)

Things that I understand but am apathetic to
Youtube Celebrities
Let's Plays
Procedural Generation (can be good, e.g. Spelunky, Crypt of the Necrodancer... or bad, e.g. lots of examples I can't think of right now?)
One-note games (depends on the note!)

Things that I understand and dislike
Free-To-Play gaming (outside of The Good Ones, e.g. Dota 2 and Path of Exile)
Retailer-exclusive content
Online-required solo play
Toys
Video game writers who complain all the time (excluding complainers who frequently make good points, like Yahtzee)



TriforceBun said:
I'm pretty sure no one will be impressed by me owning all seasons of King of the Hill.
WRONG. That's like a dozen seasons of a fantastic show. Great job man!
Posted: 10/26/15, 21:57:47
Thanks, now I want the Bowser Jr Amiibo...
Posted: 10/26/15, 22:03:30
@Shadowlink

But maybe it was fun, though. So there's that! :)

Of course, it might have been pretend fun. The kind we have when we're not actually thinking, so we aren't actually having fun. Like the "fun" I had with Cookie Clicker. Then... well, at least it's a lesson I guess.
Posted: 10/26/15, 22:30:45
@J.K. Riki

I can't see how it would have been fun. I think I just had too much time on my hands.


I was laid up with chicken pox during the Christmas holidays I was playing Blue, but I think I was re-beating the game after my brother managed to delete our save data. The ridiculous 'Catch and level everything' excercise came a later. I think it had to be when Pokemon Stadium came out because that was the only reliable way of getting the exact mons I needed.
Posted: 10/26/15, 22:55:24
By the way, the "old man" pic gets a lot of play, but most of the time, I think this one would be more appropriate.

Posted: 10/26/15, 23:01:33
Shadowlink said:
@J.K. Riki

I can't see how it would have been fun. I think I just had too much time on my hands.

Ha ha, how true is that! Amazing what we can find to stave off boredom when time is abundant. :)

Reminds me of the time I beat Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 with a custom character that had, literally, zero stats. *hitches up pants and stares off into space with a glossy look in his eyes*
Posted: 10/26/15, 23:02:45
@Guillaume

I love that line.

Stupid goddamn kids.
Posted: 10/26/15, 23:21:50
@J.K. Riki@Shadowlink

You both raise interesting points about the personal definition and value measurement of "fun".

I got skewered on a forum one time not long ago when I dared to suggest that I was having fun playing Farming Simulator. If you look at the last sentence the salient part isn't "fun" being anywhere near "Farming Simulator", but rather "I was having fun".

Dude on the other message board was genuinely incredulous that someone would even entertain the idea that running a harvester up and down a field at 12mph, back & forth...back & forth, was not only in the same ballpark, but even the same universe as the word "fun".

It was interesting sentiment to consider. We (myself included) often think that people who enjoy entertainment we deem unworthy as being too stupid to know the difference. Like how could you enjoy the music of One Direction when there are other "real bands" out there like Tame Impala working hard and creating "real music". But the punchline that we already know is that if someone experiences joy listening to One Direction, then that's just fine.

I guess it goes the same with games. That's why I always get a good laugh when people demonize game genres & platforms, suggesting that Candy Crush or CoD aren't "real games", but rather tasteless pablum for the dullard masses.

Hey, you might even be right. But those games are still fun, enjoyable experiences for them.
Posted: 10/26/15, 23:21:58
@New Forms

I was about to say that was me, but it wasn't. I skewered you for something else. I think it was Euro Truck Simulator.

It still isn't fun .
Posted: 10/26/15, 23:30:19
KHAAAAN!!!!!
Posted: 10/26/15, 23:37:09
Seems like some of these could make a better case, though if this wasn't supposed to be serious points then I guess it works. When it comes to the points that involve game culture... meh. I can just ignore that stuff. I'm more concerned about the problems with the game industry, some of which are in here. I totally agree that 8, 7, 6, and 2 are major problems. I'm not really sure about what 5 and 3 are talking about, maybe that's something that plagues the indie scene which I wouldn't know about.

One I would add myself is an obsession with "achievements" which goes for both the industry and culture side of things I s'pose. Sometimes I get it and sometimes I don't, but that whole craze has certainly gotten out of hand.
Posted: 10/27/15, 00:04:23
@Mop it up 3 is more related to iPhone games, but yeah I guess it plagues the indie scene in the sense that a lot of people are trying to make the next "Flappy Bird" instead of really putting their heart and soul into something.

Now that I think about it 5 probably is very much an indie game thing. It's kind of becoming a buzzword in gaming as a whole though, isn't it? I don't know.
Posted: 10/27/15, 02:33:08
I was gonna back you up, but how can I, in good faith, support the type of subhuman who doesn't appreciate the Beatles?

Also, Spelunky is awesome.

For the most part, I agree, though. Those grapes ARE sour!

Shadowlink said:
And then some jackass stole my game cartridge. What a pointless waste of time.

I dunno. Seems like a valuable life lesson. Plus, you got a story out of it!

J.K. Riki said:
Ha ha, how true is that! Amazing what we can find to stave off boredom when time is abundant. :)

Seriously. Like creativity! Psshhhh... Who needs that?!
Posted: 10/27/15, 03:08:41  - Edited by 
 on: 10/27/15, 03:15:05
Anand said:

Seriously. Like creativity! Psshhhh... Who needs that?!

(Don't tell anybody this or I will be out of a job and no one will buy my book, but we DON'T need creativity! Shh, though.)

@New Forms

For me I think the difference is in the level of mindfulness/awareness. The reason I don't consider Candy Crush a "real game" or "fun" or whatever (which I'm not arguing I don't, really) is because so many people play it so, so mindlessly. It's almost a delusion in a way. You get this feedback loop where the game pretends you are accomplishing something (and that is VERY debatable) and then you're almost convinced you're having fun because if you aren't/weren't then why did you spend all that time matching candy shapes? Really, it's a trip, man. Very interesting psychological stuff there.

But that's me being rather judgmental of the whole thing. If you're really having fun, booyah. I imagine Farming Simulator is a much more conscious activity, so I'd personally be more willing to judge that as real fun than Candy Crush where it's so mindless there's nothing but empty brain calories there.

I would say there is a definite difference between actually having fun and convincing oneself that fun was had. In my opinion, anyway.

Again, though, that's me being judgmental, and I've been working hard not to be that way!
Posted: 10/27/15, 03:41:37
@Guillaume

This is my life, every day, working in a high school.
Posted: 10/27/15, 12:46:22
There are a few examples of Let's Plays that make sense to me. Sometimes it's fun to watch colorful personalities go back and play an old game for nostalgic reasons. Like I would watch Game Grumps play Ninja Gaiden, but I wouldn't want to go play that game myself.

Then there's Until We Win- It's interesting to watch this guy break down the hardest old games and explain how he was able to beat them.

And if you're into Minecraft, I can somewhat understand why someone's Minecraft channel might be interesting. Then there are horror games which people are too scared to play themselves but would enjoy watching Pewdiepie get freaked out over them.

But what I don't understand is watching people play through new games that you might want to play (for any reason other than a preview). Like why watch someone play MGS: Phantom Pain? I don't get that.
Posted: 10/27/15, 17:17:51  - Edited by 
 on: 10/27/15, 17:18:38
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