HAHAHAHAHAHA! OOOOOOoooooooo… I said I wouldn’t gloat. I said I wouldn’t. For years I said I wouldn’t. But now that the shoe has finally dropped… BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Ohhhh I can’t help myself.
I MUST GLOAT!
IN YOUR FACE. IN YOUR FACE, YOU MARIO-WORSHIPING DILLWEEDS!
Oh… I’m sorry. Did you get your poor little feelings crushed at the announcement that SEGA finally bought Nintendo. Awww… did the little Nintendo baby hear some bad news that made him sad? You going to cry? You sure look like a crier…. AHAHAHAHA!
TASTE THE FURY OF MY BLAST PROCESSING, WIMPS!
Above: A photo of my actual rumpus room
Cry forever, Nintendorks! Your tortured tears wash over me like a Spring shower!
You don’t know how hard it was to bite my tongue all these years. To listen to you schlubs call boring ol’ Ocarina of Time the greatest game ever (when everyone knows the greatest game ever is Bonanza Bros.) But I kept my mouth shut and just pretended and pretended and pretended. Why? To do my part, that’s why! To help fulfill SEGA’s long-term masterplan to buyout Nintendo. A SEGA fan must be quiet, like a shinobi. Quick like a hedgehog. A headless zombie like whatever was going on in Decap Attack.
It wasn’t always easy. I had my doubts, 'round about 2007-2008, that our original blueprint would work. I mean, it was high risk: Go out of the console business, release some mediocre Sonic games. Generally tarnish the brand. Hang out on Nintendo forums. All to lull Nintendo into a false sense of security. But I shouldn’t have worried. SEGA fans are patient and we take the long road to justice.
And now that the glorious day has finally arrived and our hated enemy Nintendo has finally been defeated by the big S, man… it’s such a beautiful day.
Don’t think for a second that you’re going to get out of this with your dignity intact, btw. You Nintendo goons backed the wrong horse, here, and we’re going to make you pay for it. Forever. We’re never going to stop judging you. Heads are going to roll. Hey, like in Decap Attack. Cool! That’s two references to Decap Attack in one article. Gold star for me!
But, for today, I gloat.
IN YOUR FACE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh it just feels so good.