It finally happened. The doomsayers were right. The signs were aligning for a long time. We just failed to see them. The Mayan Apocalypse was averted, the Pope resigned, high and low temperature records were broken, a meteor fell in Russia, Star Wars and Star Trek have the same director. It has all led to this. SEGA has bought Nintendo!!!! I repeat SEGA has bought Nintendo!!!!

According to SEGA Sammy Holdings Inc. CEO, Hajime Satomi, SEGA bought the flailing company for a mere $4.1 billion. Nintendo was able to fool stockholders for a long time by misrepresenting their profits in order to inflate the company’s buyout price to $8 billion. However, SEGA’s finance department saw through the ruse. They were able to buy the company for the stated price and are now in the process of restructuring.

There are many questions left to be answered, as of right now. What will happen to Nintendo’s top executives: Miyamoto-san, Iwata-san, Reggie? Will everything be branded under the SEGA name or will they keep the Nintendo name in order to publish the, originally, Nintendo franchises? Will we see both companies’ mascots in each other’s games (Mario & Sonic Winter Olympics, anyone)? Will SEGA pull Nintendo out of the hardware business? Will we see a sequel to F-Zero GX? Hopefully, some of these questions will be answered today and during the following weeks.

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Praise be to Satomi.

Posted by

Xbob42

on: 04/01/13, 07:04

I knew I should have killed Kris sooner.

I blame myself. Time for Seppuku I guess. Where's my Master Sword?

Posted by

Shadowlink

on: 04/01/13, 07:04

lol, I guess it's that time of the year again... At least this is better than Waluigi.

Posted by

Tranquilo

on: 04/01/13, 07:05

Edited:

04/01/13, 07:05

About time. Maybe now we'll finally get Vyse in Smash Bros.

Posted by

TriforceBun

on: 04/01/13, 07:05

BLUE STREAK
SPEEDS BY
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG

TOO FAST
FOR THE NAKED EYE
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG

SONIC
HE CAN REALLY MOVE
SONIC
HE'S GOT AN ATTITUUUUUUUDE

SONIC
HE'S THE FASTEST THING ALIVE
HE'S THE FASTEST THING ALIVE

HE'S THE FASTEST THING ALIVE

Posted by

nate38

on: 04/01/13, 07:06

Edited:

04/01/13, 07:06

I'm opening my third story window right now.

Goodbye cruel worrrrrrr.....

Posted by

Abdooooo

on: 04/01/13, 07:06

WAAAAHHH!

Posted by

chrisbg99

on: 04/01/13, 07:06

@TriforceBun Not going to happen. I'll have a bit more news on that soon, I believe...

Posted by

Zero

on: 04/01/13, 07:15

@Zero I can't wait to hear about that.

Posted by

sirmastersephiroth

on: 04/01/13, 07:26

An ETERNAL CHAMPIONS SEQUEL must be on its way now that SEGA has the manpower to deliver on the expectations.
Praise be to this news.

Posted by

ploot

on: 04/01/13, 07:56

Oh man this is hilarious my cousin's friend just called me to say he was shocked for a moment over the Smash Brothers turning into Sonic Brothers thing until he realized it as April Fool's. So we were talking a bit and he was like "What do you think is going to happen to Nintendo now that Sega bought them out?" I thought he was goofing around but it became clear to me that HE THOUGHT THAT PART WAS REAL. He must have only read the Smash Brothers article and since it was written as if Sega buying Nintendo was a fact he didn't question that part of it!

LMAO.

Posted by

Zero

on: 04/02/13, 01:48

@Zero

For some reason I picture your cousin's friend as that weiner kid Milhouse.

Posted by

Shadowlink

on: 04/02/13, 02:08

@Shadowlink

Posted by

Mr_Mustache

on: 04/02/13, 02:18