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WHY THE 3DS SUCKS
Editorial by 
Editor
April 01, 2011, 07:50:29
 
LET ME START THIS OFF BY SAYING THAT I AM A HUGE NINTENDO FAN, AND HAVE BEEN GAMING SINCE THE DAYS OF WIND WAKER!!!!!!

As you can see, I am not biased. I never was. You claim I was, but I always wasn't.

Now, the first thing about the 3DS is the 3D. Um, hello? 3D isn't new, people. Jurassic Park was screened in 3D worldwide back in the 80s. Also, and Iwata even said this himself so you know I'm not lying, Mario 64 was 3D even before the 3DS.

This leads me to my next point. Why doesn't Nintendo ever make anything new? I've played Mario before. They just keep making Mario again. Look at Metroid. Yeah, they called it Metroid Prime, but you can't fool me Nintendo, it's still the same game but a little bit tweaked!!! However, even I can admit that Metroid Prime is a pretty good game for its time. But that's the thing!!! It was released back when Nintendo still cared!

What has Nintendo brought us recently? More Metroid Prime, this time with stupid waggle. READ MY LIPS: I DON'T WANT TO STAND UP TO HAVE TO PLAY METROID!!!! I want to sit and play Metroid Prime, because that's the way it's also been. Metroid Prime was a revolutionary game that pioneered the way, and now guess what, it's linear and casualized.

That's another thing!!! All that ever comes out on the Wii is shovelware for the casuals!!! Just Dance 2 sold a million copies! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU NINTENDO!?!!?

But back to my point. A while later we got Mario Galaxy 2. Woo, a sequel to a glorified remake. Really hitting it out of the park there, Nintendo.

So what has the Wii brought us? A sequel with waggle, and a sequel that I played 30 years ago. This just proves my point: Japanese developers are dying. Maybe the earthquake will open some disillusioned fanatics eyes that the time of the West has risen.

Nintendo, all I want is to play a great Mario game in HD and online. Imagine, Metroid in HD!!! OR ZELDA!!!!! We want new experiences, Nintendo. You've just been shoving your massive junk down our throats, making us suckle your crap from the innards of your corporate landscape. Bring me back, Nintendo. Bring me back to the time where the Seal meant something.


So, what are your thoughts on the 3DS? I'll probably pick one up when Ocarina of Time comes out.

APRIL FOOLS!!!

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Posted: 04/01/11, 07:50:29  - Edited by 
 on: 10/27/13, 02:04:06    
 
Why not sign up for a (free) account and create your own content?
 
How come I've never seen this before? Best. Thread. Evar!


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 18:59:25
Yeah. I remember when it was posted, but I'm surprised I didn't get in on the action. Hilarious stuff, Secret Tunnel!


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 19:06:54
Jargon said:
But seriously, the 3DS has kind of sucked so far.

Right?!? Worst system evar! Confirmed.


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 19:26:30
@GameDadGrant

No, not the worst system ever, but lots of missed opportunities and still lacking a top tier handheld game, in my opinion.


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 19:34:04
Super Mario 3D Land is definitely a top tier handheld game. Your opinion is invalid.

So is Pushmo for that matter.

And didn't you say that you haven't even played Kid Icarus or Resident Evil Revelations?


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 20:23:52  - Edited by 
 on: 10/19/12, 20:25:11
@Jargon

Oh wait, you're actually being serious? Like, serious serious?


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 21:04:48
@Jargon
No way, there are tons of top-tier 3DS games:

Super Mario 3D Land
Ocarina of Time 3D
New Super Mario Bros. 2

and...

well there are at least 3 top-tier handheld games, and plenty of good (if not great) games like Street Fighter IV, Ghost Recon Shadow Wars, Ridge Racer 3-D, Resident Evil Revelations, Dead or Alive Dimensions, Mario Kart 7, Rhythm Thief, etc.


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 23:52:25
@Zero

I started Kid Icarus. I'm pretty convinced already that the controls will hold the game back in a serious way for me.

Of course I haven't played every game on the 3DS so I can't say for certain that there's no top tier games, but I'm pretty good at identifying games that I think will resonate with me. Those are the games I make sure to get as soon as they come out and so far none of those games have lived up to my hopes.

@GameDadGrant

I don't really think it sucks, but it has "kind of sucked" because it has really disappointed me in a lot of ways. Maybe my expectations were too high after the unveiling at E3 2010, but it definitely hasn't lived up to them, in a variety of ways that I've voiced in many posts so I won't really rehash them (online, communication, comfort, form, etc).

But also, I expected the games I was most excited about to have come out by now. Still no Paper Mario and Animal Crossing. I also expected Mario Tennis to live up to its handheld predecessors and though I'm sure it's fun (I haven't played it), the lack of an RPG mode really disappointed me. So it comes down to a lot of personal things, but my experience with the handheld has definitely kind of sucked so far.

I'm still optimistic for the future, though.

@deathly_hallows

Ocarina of Time really doesn't count to me since I've played it so many times and it really doesn't add anything new for me. Super Mario 3D Land is solid and I 100%ed it but it definitely was lacking in ways for me that keep it from really being something I'll ever go back to. And admittedly I haven't played NSMB2 and I'm sure it is very good, but having to buy a second copy to play multiplayer has kept me from getting it immediately. I might well consider a top-tier game once I play it, though, that is true.


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 00:14:39
@Jargon
Well OoT 3-D is a very good remake, the re-drawn artwork is gorgeous, the improved graphics and widescreen are wonderful, the 3-D is well done and looks cool, the touch screen stuff makes the menus much more manageable, and even the gyro makes aiming better (for fine tuning shots). It's the best version of a classic masterpiece. The only way it could have been better is if they would have added CPP support for the camera, but when they were making the game the CPP didn't exist yet!


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 00:33:07
@Jargon What exactly are we talking about here, games that resonate with you, or top tier games? Those aren't exactly the same thing. I mean, let's say the worst happens and you die today... do top tier games stop existing?

We're about to get into the whole objective/subjective thing again aren't we? Ug.


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 01:29:11  - Edited by 
 on: 10/20/12, 01:29:33
@VickiL
@DeputyVanHalen

..what the hell is a Vita?


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 01:32:02  - Edited by 
 on: 10/20/12, 01:32:58
@deathly_hallows

I prefer the original version. I've never been one to mess with the classics, in general, but also the 3DS version ruined the ending with the second credits.


@Zero

Rather than go down that road, let's just say that I've been disappointed with the 3DS library so far.


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 01:38:09
@Jargon Fair enough. I've been pretty happy with it, but I also (for all practical purposes) never had a Gameboy/GBC or a DSi, so all of those games were new to me as well.


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 01:41:09
Jargon said:
@deathly_hallows

I prefer the original version. I've never been one to mess with the classics, in general, but also the 3DS version ruined the ending with the second credits.

Agreed about the ending.


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 09:00:51
@Jargon

The 3DS library has been AMAZING to me. If you don't agree, then you have a different opinion than I do. And I will respect that.


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 19:44:45
@GameDadGrant What kind of video game forum poster are you?! GO FOR THE JUGULAR!


Posted by 
 on: 10/20/12, 20:22:00
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