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WHY THE 3DS SUCKS
Editorial by 
Editor
April 01, 2011, 07:50:29
 
LET ME START THIS OFF BY SAYING THAT I AM A HUGE NINTENDO FAN, AND HAVE BEEN GAMING SINCE THE DAYS OF WIND WAKER!!!!!!

As you can see, I am not biased. I never was. You claim I was, but I always wasn't.

Now, the first thing about the 3DS is the 3D. Um, hello? 3D isn't new, people. Jurassic Park was screened in 3D worldwide back in the 80s. Also, and Iwata even said this himself so you know I'm not lying, Mario 64 was 3D even before the 3DS.

This leads me to my next point. Why doesn't Nintendo ever make anything new? I've played Mario before. They just keep making Mario again. Look at Metroid. Yeah, they called it Metroid Prime, but you can't fool me Nintendo, it's still the same game but a little bit tweaked!!! However, even I can admit that Metroid Prime is a pretty good game for its time. But that's the thing!!! It was released back when Nintendo still cared!

What has Nintendo brought us recently? More Metroid Prime, this time with stupid waggle. READ MY LIPS: I DON'T WANT TO STAND UP TO HAVE TO PLAY METROID!!!! I want to sit and play Metroid Prime, because that's the way it's also been. Metroid Prime was a revolutionary game that pioneered the way, and now guess what, it's linear and casualized.

That's another thing!!! All that ever comes out on the Wii is shovelware for the casuals!!! Just Dance 2 sold a million copies! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU NINTENDO!?!!?

But back to my point. A while later we got Mario Galaxy 2. Woo, a sequel to a glorified remake. Really hitting it out of the park there, Nintendo.

So what has the Wii brought us? A sequel with waggle, and a sequel that I played 30 years ago. This just proves my point: Japanese developers are dying. Maybe the earthquake will open some disillusioned fanatics eyes that the time of the West has risen.

Nintendo, all I want is to play a great Mario game in HD and online. Imagine, Metroid in HD!!! OR ZELDA!!!!! We want new experiences, Nintendo. You've just been shoving your massive junk down our throats, making us suckle your crap from the innards of your corporate landscape. Bring me back, Nintendo. Bring me back to the time where the Seal meant something.


So, what are your thoughts on the 3DS? I'll probably pick one up when Ocarina of Time comes out.

APRIL FOOLS!!!

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Posted: 04/01/11, 07:50:29  - Edited by 
 on: 10/27/13, 02:04:06    
 
Why not sign up for a (free) account and create your own content?
 
People saying that the 3DS could have been sold as "just an upgrade to the DS" are nuts. It's just another underpowered, profitable piece of hardware from Nintendo being sold on gimmicky hype. I can't knock Nintendo for doing it, they obviously make a killing with this business model -- but I do knock people for always buying into it over and over and over again. Seriously people, move on... maybe then Nintendo will actually have motivation to do something interesting which they haven't done in almost two generations now.

The 3DS isn't going to kick the living shit out of anything except the casual market. Nintendo is completely and utterly stale in terms of the core gaming audience. The 3DS, like the Wii was, is just a cash-in. Nintendo will make mucho bucks, for sure, but overall it'll end up being a fad just like the Wii. The NGP will be the new face of dedicated handheld gaming; and I'm not a Sony fan by any means.

The problem that the 3DS faces is that it's in the middle of something like the NGP and smart phone gaming. It can't compete with the NGP in terms of "core game" experiences, and it can't compete with your phone for casual gaming. If I'm going to carry something around in my bag commuting every day, I want it to be significantly different from games I can play on my phone.


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/11, 22:26:24
Waluigi said:
Why doesn't Nintendo ever make anything new? I've played Mario before. They just keep making Mario again. Look at Metroid. Yeah, they called it Metroid Prime, but you can't fool me Nintendo, it's still the same game but a little bit tweaked!!! However, even I can admit that Metroid Prime is a pretty good game for its time. But that's the thing!!! It was released back when Nintendo still cared!

Waluigi said:
So, what are your thoughts on the 3DS? I'll probably pick one up when Ocarina of Time comes out.

Brilliant.


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/11, 22:27:57  - Edited by 
 on: 04/01/11, 23:23:07
Some of these posts are frighteningly accurate representations of jaded former-Nintendo fans...you guys are getting too good at this!


Posted by 
 on: 04/01/11, 22:36:23
@TriforceBun

I confess, I didn't make mine up. My post (2nd to last one on the 1st page of the thread) is actually copy/pasted from a recent post on another forum.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/11, 08:04:53  - Edited by 
 on: 04/02/11, 08:05:41
Are gamers really down on the 3DS? After E3 last year, I was under the impression that everyone loved it, but I don't read the IGN boards anymore or NeoGAF much so I'm probably a bit out of touch.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/11, 08:21:30
Hah, after Negative Waluigi '11, it's like the lights just came on and everyone is revealed as who they were in the (purple) shadows.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/11, 08:22:13
@TriforceBun@GameDadGrant

I also cheated and just stole someone's posts from another forum for my second post. The first one is by me, but it's clearly not as good.


Posted by 
 on: 04/02/11, 16:22:33  - Edited by 
 on: 04/02/11, 16:25:15
I don't go to other message boards, and now I know why.



Posted by 
 on: 04/02/11, 16:28:20
These are my selling points :





Posted by 
 on: 04/03/11, 03:32:18


Posted by 
 on: 04/03/11, 03:37:44
OHNOESITSATROLL said:
DONT GET MAD CAUSE SOME OF US ARENT DRINKIGN THE KOOLAID

I finally actually read this thing up until the part where it repeats. Loved this line.


Posted by 
 on: 04/06/11, 07:25:59
I dunno, I think this one was pretty classic:

THE WII IS BY FART TEH BIGGEST DISAPOINTMENT


Posted by 
 on: 04/06/11, 07:41:21
I don't get it, what with the "APRIL FOOLS" at the end? I was agreeing with everything...


Posted by 
 on: 04/06/11, 09:42:26
Oh man this thread!


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 12:27:55
What the hell is NGP?


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 12:31:05
@Renjaku National Gas Partners? Being serious, I think it was the code name for the Vita.

Waluigi said:

Why doesn't Nintendo ever make anything new? I've played Mario before. They just keep making Mario again.

It's like you were channeling my husband for a minute there. Still, in the same breath he sincerely encourages me to buy and play whatever gives me joy, so it's all good. I wish all trolls were so respectful.


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 15:56:03
But seriously, the 3DS has kind of sucked so far.


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 16:11:20
@Renjaku
Next-Generation Portable. It was the name being used for Vita before the official name was announced.


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 16:21:49


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 16:27:53
@VickiL It's so weird to me that your husband is a Nintendo hatin' troll. Get him on here! We'll make him drink the kool-aid!


Posted by 
 on: 10/19/12, 17:13:30  - Edited by 
 on: 10/19/12, 17:13:50
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